After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
