theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
