Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
