yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
