The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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