dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
