i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
