The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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