I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
