Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
