I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
