i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
