You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
