dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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