No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
