Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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