Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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