What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
