The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
