I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
