And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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