First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As shirtless as possible
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
