why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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