can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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