May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
