We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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