three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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