i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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