just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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