hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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