The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
