I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
