Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize