Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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