Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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