you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
