mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
