He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
