you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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