my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize