My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
