Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I stole a fireplace last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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