Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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