if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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