last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
