Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
