I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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