everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
