JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
