I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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