Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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