i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
