if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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