i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
