the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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