I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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