Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize