just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
