The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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