Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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