theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
