your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sober January is a disaster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
