her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
