he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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