My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
