I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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