I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
MIDGETS
????
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize