Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I faked an abortion last night.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
