I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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