I wanna bring you to show and tell
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
