Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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